If you ever used to follow my old DIY/Life blog you know how frequently I did it and how much I loved it.
The ideas are all there still, a constant stream in my head. I am consistently doodling down DIY projects in my journals or beside table notebooks (for some reason I'm always inspired before sleep) but that is where they always remain.
And although I generally am frustrated and upset about all these things, clarity comes on the mornings I actually get sleep. I can tell myself to calm down and accept the grace that is having two babies (Miles and the little boy I nanny 50+ hours a week) and take a freaking breath.
Because I am sure, or desperately hoping, that one day I will get back to myself. Even if its years and pant sizes away, being creative, wearing things I love, and having an ounce of sanity will happen. I will not have to look longingly at photos of myself and my life pre-baby and wonder who that girl is and where in the world she went.
Someone recently told me my former self and my mama self will meld into one and it will be the very best version of me I could imagine. That wisdom and encouragement made me feel a little more at peace and a little more accepting. I realize I am in process, not yet at a destination and that is completely okay.
So in the meantime I will give you the reality of mom life (at least mine) and the things that drive me so crazy all I can really do is laugh.
-I still drink coffee every morning but never without reheating it at least 2-3 times.
-Washing my hair is a luxury, I know this because when I get to wash it sometimes I find bobby pins woven in and I could not tell you how long they've been there.
-Sometimes the very only reason I cook dinner is so there is leftovers to for Greg to take for lunch because I haven't had any time to go grocery shopping.
-I have enjoyed an entire sleeve of saltine crackers in one sitting and called it "lunch".
-I often put my sewing machine on the table because I am "going to make something tonight" and it always ends up back in the craft room, not because I actually accomplished anything but because people are coming over for dinner and we need the table space.
-The little boy I nanny sleeps in a pack n play in my bedroom which also doubles as an industrial sized hamper for all the laundry I am behind on.
-Leggings are God's gift to simultaneously make me feel like got dressed and never left my pajamas.
I know one day I will laugh or not believe this was ever a season of my life. I will wonder why it seemed so hard or why I felt so crazy, but for right now it is my reality and it feels very real.
So to the mamas feeling slightly insane I get you.
And to those without kids who wonder if we're slightly insane, the answer is yes.
to real life,
xo jess
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