Ode to my body.

I've always hated my body.
I know that is a really harsh thing to say but I would be lying if I said it any kinder or in any easier terms.

Since the sixth grade I have had body issues. It breaks my heart to even type that because now I work with kids and if any of them ever saw themselves as anything less than perfect it would kill me. But it's the honest truth. Sixth grade until my first year in college I struggled physically with an eating disorder and mentally I'll probably deal with it forever.

Something happened though when I saw my son, I fell in love with my body for the first time. This shell that I have spent so many years hating, disgusted over, talking down to; this very body carried my baby boy for nine months. It carried him and kept him safe. Then in all its might it brought him safely into the world. My body is a more remarkable thing then I could have ever imagined, a more sacred thing than I could ever have believed.

That's not to say I'm always thrilled with the squishy stomach that now resides where my abs used to be. Or that my wardrobe rejected by my new shape isn't covering the floor in our bedroom.
But when I hold my little guy it all melts away. No matter how much I dislike my body or its imperfections there is one truth that can never be changed: my body made me a mother, my body gave me Miles.
And for that I will give myself a break. I will rock a bathing suit even though there's stretch marks on my thighs. I will let you take my picture even though I'm not satisfied with the way I look. And I will stop looking at me and focus on him, because I do not want to miss a moment.
I will be thankful to him my size will never matter, to him I'll always just be Mama and that's just fine with me.

be kind to yourself,
xo jess

|| Psalm 139 ||